A week ago, Jamey and I were driving home from a night away in North Carolina before my surgery. While he slept I prayed about my surgery on Monday. I felt that God gave me some insight that gave me peace. I intended to blog before the surgery, but events do not always unfold as we expect.
As I was driving, I was reminded that my heavenly father was with me and would be with me during the surgery and after the surgery. Joshua 1: 9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go.
I was also reminded that God is sovereign and that my surgeon was an instrument in God's hands. That ultimately God would direct the doctor's hands and steps.
I thought about all the prayers people have prayed for months regarding the surgery. I wondered if I did not pray enough, if I did not have enough faith. I did have faith, with many others, that God was able to miraculously remove the scar tissue from my intestines. His word is full of miracles. I don't know why he did not answer our prayers the way we desired, but I believe that He is a good God. Perhaps there is a greater purpose in me undergoing surgery; a purpose I may never know this side of eternity. I remembered the story of Lazarus. Mary and Martha knew that Jesus could save Lazarus, but Jesus did not come in the time frame that they desired and Lazarus died. Jesus did not have to let Lazarus die, but He had a greater plan in resurrecting Lazarus. Then, I remembered Jesus pleading with God to save him from the death on the cross he was about to face. But, God did not save him, He had a greater plan. A resurrection. A resurrection to bring a new, redeemed life to the nations, to the world. I'm not here to question how God operates, but to trust in His goodness and love for me.