A Place Without Love

He is not one to go to bed quickly or easily.  The best way to avoid bedtime tantrums and standoffs is to lay down next to the little boy and drift off with him.  Sometimes he requests I read to him as he falls asleep.  This particular night I read to him from Matthew 13. 

36 Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.”

37 He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38 The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, 39 and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.

40 “As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41 The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42 They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43 Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear.

I don’t really think he is paying attention and assume the vocabulary and message is above his level of understanding seeing the disciples needed an explanation.  But then he asks, “Why does Jesus talk about people in the fire?”

He was listening to Jesus’ words, even more attentively than I.  I quickly skim the chapter to review what Jesus was discussing.  Ah yes, way to go mom!  You selected a super light topic for a bedtime story.  Yes, a passage on hell. 

How do I answer him?  How do I explain hell to my three year old?

I had to explain heaven to him recently when his great-grandmother passed away.  It wasn’t so hard to do.  The family shared with him how great heaven is and how Nana has a new, beautiful home that Jesus prepared for her.  He was also given the book, Heaven is Real for Little Ones, which really helped him understand more about Nana’s new home and how to get to heaven.  He is good with heaven.

But, hell, that’s different.  It’s dark, scary, and nightmarish, if you will.  It is not the image I want for my son right before he nods off to sleep. 

So with God’s help, I proceed to explain to him that hell is a place where people who do not love and obey Jesus will go one day.  It is a place where people will be without Jesus’ love.  I leave out the parts of fire, weeping and gnashing of teeth, and other gory details to avoid any scary dreams resulting in interrupted sleep.  And it was ok to leave out those details because at the core of what makes hell so terrible is the absence of God’s love and presence.

And do you know what he says to me? 

“Mama, that’s sad.”

He gets it. He isn't afraid, but sad.  When I consider hell I am afraid, afraid of the punishment, the fire, the torture.  I am not too sure I respond to the reality of hell with sadness.  Do I realize that hell is more than the punishment because the true consequence is the separation from God’s goodness and love?  

This makes me wonder if Jesus was full of fear on the cross or was it sorrow that burdened him?

Perhaps it was sorrow.

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).

These words express sadness over the separation from his father he was about to endure.  Not fear of his encounter with God’s wrath.  Not pain for all the beatings, scourging, and suffering on the cross.  No, his cry was over the abandonment from his father.  Complete separation from his father's love made him cry out in a loud voice. 

May I know my heavenly father’s goodness and love so deeply and intimately that I too would cry out in sadness at the thought of spending eternity separated from him and rejoice in gratitude that I will never have to be separated from him because of Jesus' sacrifice.  May I love my neighbor, who does not love and obey Jesus, enough to cry out in sadness at the thought that she may spend eternity separated from him.

Toe Pick

Do you remember what 90’s movie is famous for the line, “toe pick?”  

That’s right, The Cutting Edge.  

Wasn’t it such a cute chick flick?  An unlikely pair, a from-the wrong-side-of-the-tracks-hockey player and a boarding-school-bred figure skater, come together as pairs ice skaters.  It makes for nice movie with a happy ending.

This past month, ice dancers, Charlie White and Meryl Davis, became the first Americans to win gold in the Winter Olympics for ice dancing.  Did you watch their performances?  Nearly flawless.  So in step with each other. 

…And they become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

I have been meditating on this verse for several days now, wondering what it means to be one flesh.  Adam and Eve became one.  Husband and wife are to become one.  Then I watch White and Davis.  Their oneness on the ice is so effortless, which makes it so beautiful. I think if only my husband and I could dance so well together.  Our dancing efforts consist of a lot of stepping on toes and moments of standing still to regroup.   But, it is not just when we dance that we step on toes and need to regroup. No, it is when we live our day-to-day lives.  Moving in step with each other is much like watching Doug and Kate from The Cutting Edge.  Sometimes one of us gets dropped or falls flat on our face or can’t keep up and is left behind or in need of a reminder to use the toe pick.

How do spouses become one?  How do they have greater unity?  How do we dance like White and Davis?

I am not going to go into some long theological commentary on this subject.  That is beyond my abilities.  Instead I’m just going to share some thoughts I gathered from reading about the ice dancing couple, who are not married by the way.

Time

Did you know these two athletes have been skating together for 17 years? Gosh, how old are they?  They have been side by side since they were 10 years old.  Their unity developed through seventeen years of hours on and off the ice.  Our oneness has grown over the years and will continue to do so as we walk together for the years to come.

Goal

I read an article where the pair said there were moments when they wanted to quit but it was a goal, a goal for a gold medal that kept them together.  There are moments in marriage when quitting may seem easier than pressing on, but a goal, a goal for a successful, God-honoring marriage will keep us together.

Choreography

My first thought regarding their unity was, well of course they move so well together because they have choreography, which tells them how to move and where to put the next step.  Of course my marriage could be more in-sync if I had someone to create the choreography.  Well, the truth is someone did choreograph my marriage.  He wrote it out in several places in His book.  1 Corinthians 13 gives me the basic steps, such as patience, kindness, humility, honor, perseverance, protection, and forgiveness.  Basic they may be, but easy they are not.  In ice dancing both partners must learn and practice the choreography, so it is in marriage.  If we want our marriage to look and be beautiful then we both must learn God’s word and practice it.

God wants unity.  He created us from the beginning to be one as he is one with his son and the Holy Spirit.  It is what he wants, so I know it is possible.  But, he doesn’t just want unity in marriages, but among his people as well.  Jesus prays for this.

 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.  John 17:20-23

When we are a part of God’s kingdom.  We are all training to be Olympic ice skaters who will beautifully dance united to our goal and reflect God’s glory.  And it won’t be our country’s flag above our heads or around our shoulders, but God’s glory.

He Says, I Love You

Last week, I wrote about my need to say the words I love you to God.  You can read it here.  And all this love talk got me thinking about how I need to hear these words from the Lord.  You know he says them to us.  He will say it often if we would still ourselves enough to know it.  I know he doesn't speak audibly to most of us, but he does speak.  His words to us are written and have not changed for thousands of years.

Did you keep love letters in a shoe box like I did? Did you open the box occassionally to read those sweet words that years later would bring a smile to your face?  Do you need to open God's love letter to you?  Do you know what his letters might say to you?

May I share some of his words with you?

(Your name),

I love you.  I created you so I could love you and you could love me in return.  You are wanted.  I wanted you before the creation of time.  You were on my mind.  I know this is hard to believe, but it is true. I am the one who knit you together in your mother’s womb.  I am the one who knows everything about you, when you sleep, when you rise, where you go, the number of the hairs on your head.  I care about every detail of your life.

I delight in you.  You make me smile and you make me sing.  It is not what you do that brings me pleasure, but that you love me and put your hope in me. 

I will lavish my love upon you, if you will let me, because you are my child, my treasured possession. Yes, you are treasured.

I hope that you will grow in the knowledge of how wide and long and high and deep is the love I have for you.  My love is a strong, everlasting love that can’t be broken.  I promise to never leave you, nor forsake you. 

Do you know how much I love you?  Do you know how much I want you to know me and my love for you?  

I love you so much that I asked my first-born son to die to fix our broken relationship.  You have not always been faithful in our relationship.  You have not always wanted to be loved by me.  Sometimes you went and did your own thing.  And it hurt me.  But I showed you the greatest love, for my son laid down his life for you.  My son died for you, for our relationship.  I asked him to because I love you so much and did not want to be separated from you.  I want to spend all of eternity with you.

So when you doubt my love, you read my words and remember the truth.  Let my love fill you.

I love you, (your name)

Dad

God, I Love You

Do you remember learning a foreign language in high school?  Do you remember trying to pronounce the new words that sounded like gibberish because your mouth and mind were all out of sorts with this new undertaking?  One reason I quit studying Spanish was because I could not roll my r’s, which is essential to this language.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I can’t wink and now you know I can’t roll my r’s, so we can conclude fine facial motor skills I have not.

Saying I love you, for me, was like learning a foreign language.  For some these three words come so easily.  For others of us, these words are rarely said.  It can feel awkward and make the tongue tied.  I remember how easily my husband said these words to me for the first time and how I just stared at him and did respond in kind.  It wasn’t that I didn’t care for him and at the time I might have loved him, it was just that the words were valuable to me and I wanted to be sure they were true.  After finally telling him I loved him, several months later, I still had difficulty saying them often.  I needed to practice.  I needed to intentionally say them until it no longer felt awkward.  And over time the words became natural to me and easy to say. 

One Sunday I was sitting in the church service during a quiet moment and I felt prompted to say to God, I love you.  It feels awkward to say this to God.  I'm not sure why, but I know it is important for him to hear it and for me to say it more often.  So, I began to say the words over and over and over.  I love you. I love you. I love you. 

Then I began to think about my actions.  How do I show God I love him? I know I don’t tell him enough.  I do try to be obedient even if at times it includes stomping my feet as I do it.  But, why am I obedient?  What is my motivation?  If I am really honest with myself, my motivation is because I believe it is the right thing to do and because I don’t want to suffer consequences.  These motivators are not completely wrong or bad, but I wonder if God would like for me to grow to a place where I am motivated by my love for him and my desire to please him.

 
Jesus says if you love me you will keep my commands and the most important command I must obey is to love the Lord, you God, with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.  If I truly want to be obedient I must first love God and then love my neighbor.  If I love God then I will do just that love him.  Sometimes that means sitting with him and saying I love you, I love you, I love you.

Lord, help us to obey your greatest commandment because we love you and we know you are worthy.  Correct our motivations, so we may please you. 

May I encourage any of you who are like me?

Go ahead and just do it, say it, God, I love you.  And keep saying it until it becomes natural and enjoyable to say.